Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
