Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
