This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
