The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
