Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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