update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
