Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
