its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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