you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
