Im at strip club and am horny
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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