I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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