I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
