I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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