Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
