If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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