walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
