I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
