i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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