my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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