I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
