flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
