u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
