I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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