She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I touched a dick in church today
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
