I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
