I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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