I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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