remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
