Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
