Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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