Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
