my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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