Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
