just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
