If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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