I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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