I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
