you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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