Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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