When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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