I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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