They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
