Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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