I think I died a long time ago.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
