Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
