you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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