oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
