dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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