Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
