So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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