It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
