Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
