i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
