filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
