ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
