wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
