we have pet lesbian snakes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
