I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
