Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
