I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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