my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All the doctor said was why
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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