Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
