The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
