tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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